My Guilty Pleasure!

We all have them, I might as well share mine. Maybe I will hook someone else!

My guilty pleasures seem to change here and there. I don't think I ever stick to one for very long. However, I started my most recent guilty pleasure while in Myrtle Beach because of my wonderful lil' sis! I took just one handful and have been absolutely HOOKED ever since. Seriously, I can't get enough. All the flavors of sweet and salty go together just so! Who ever would have thought I would be "hooked" on a Walmart brand product? There is a downside to this pleasure though- it is NOT organic...BUT it's just so gosh darn good that I don't even care about the whole organic thing, and I can't help but eat it ALL day long!

Okay, okay...are you at all intrigued yet? Drum roll please... Great Value Indulgent Trail Mix! It is a mixture of peanut butter chips, chocolate chips, cashews, almonds, cranberries, peanuts, white chocolate chips, and golden raisins (which I pick out and throw away because I HATE raisins)! Even though I have to throw out the raisins it is still such a delicious snack. Unfortunately it is not a healthy snack - especially when one is eating it in the quantities that I am! But at this point I don't care about the fact that it is more than likely tons of extra calories I don't need to put in to my body! I look at it this way....my classroom is so far away from everything I have to walk so much throughout the day that this makes up for all the extra calories in my guilty indulgence! Right? Well, that's what I am thinking right now and so be it until I move on to my next pleasure! For now I am keeping a BIG bag of it on my desk and when I need or want it I'll just dig right in without a second thought...Until I gain ten pounds!

Anyhow, next time you are in Walmart give it a try! They actually have a bunch of different trail mixes but I think this one takes the cake! Happy Snacking!

Here's a brand new bag I just picked up today!!!

Pre-School Continued...

Well, it has been a week now and morning drop offs have not been going so swell! I swear this just goes to show how very stubborn my little gal is. She has it in her head that she does NOT want to go to school and that she "hates" school. Oh my - hating school already, really? We have just begun our school career!

I truly do know that she doesn't HATE school. She HATES being away from me. We had a wonderful summer filled with lots and lots of true mother daughter bonding. That time (on an every day basis) is now over! Little Gal just isn't sure how to handle this. It was over so abruptly! One day we are hanging in the sun and the next we are in school. So she can say over and over how she hates school but I know that isn't the case.

You may ask how do I truly know that is not the case. Well, it is very simple. When I pull down Ms. K's long driveway I can see from far away Little Gal's big smile on her face as she's playing with all her new friends. On top of that she doesn't want to leave right away when I get there. One day last week she actually begged me to leave so she could stay longer.

Yes, our lazy days of summer are over. (We seriously know how to relax) However, Little Gal doesn't HATE school - she simply HATES that our time together on a daily basis has ended and doesn't quite know how to express her feelings to me about this.

Who knows maybe this is my way of saying things will get better. Maybe this is my way of dealing with things. Whatever it is - it's working for me now! I have to believe it's something other than HATING school!

We are now on full bribery! Each day if Little Gal has a good drop off she earns a sticker. Once she gets 3 (yes - just 3 for now - we will build on that - little steps people!) she earns a trip to her treasure box. Which we put together as a family. She seems super excited about it and fingers crossed this bribe will work and drop offs will become tear free! I can only hope!

PreSchool!

Well, today was the big day. Little Gal's first day of preschool! It went pretty much how I expected...I had to walk away from a child that was holding on to me for dear life screaming her head off...oh the joys of parenthood!

Rewind...

Yesterday we spent all day celebrating our last full day of summer vacation. We started our day off with a special going to school craft from the story "The Kissing Hand!" Which we then tucked in to her little back back. Then it was time to get ready for our family adventure! Our original plan consisted of going to a local water park - however the weather had another plan for us - Bounce and Play (an indoor moon bounce center)! After we bounced ourselves sick we went to Panera Bread (Em's pick) for her special lunch. All she wanted was a blueberry bagel. Okay that's fine and all but she ended up eating all my food! What's up with that? Oh and my drink to top it off! I tried their new frozen strawberry lemonade. Absolutely NOT worth the $4+!

To our surprise she wanted to do some shopping and I couldn't argue with that for one second! We headed off to Old Navy where we both got a ton of stuff super cheap! Love extra 50% off surprises! Oh how lovely to get so much for so very little! All day long here and there Little Gal kept insisting to us that she was NOT going to school. We kinda just ignored her and went on our merry way - every time she would say something about not going! This whole time in the back of my mind I am thinking oh this is going to suck tomorrow morning - we are in for it...and we were! Moving along - we came home and ended our day with a family movie night watching one of the "Care Bear" movies from good old Netflix video stream!

It was finally bedtime - Emma starts expressing to us once again how she is not going to school in the morning. By this point because it has gone on all day and rather persistently Brian has decided that he's going to bribe her. He has now told her that she gets a special first day of school gift if she is brave and has a good day at preschool. Okay, I am thinking this will work! However, I am also thinking good Lord what are we setting ourselves up for? But I know we all do it - we ALL bribe our children at times. Who knows maybe it will work!

This morning...

As soon as Little Gal woke up the very first thing (before good morning or anything else) she screams out of her bedroom, "I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL!" Part of me chuckled as I walked up the stairs to try and calm her because I knew this was how it was going to go down!! I just knew it! I walk in and she wanted me to hold her. So I picked her up and held her as tight as I could possibly hold her. The entire time she's telling me she's not going and she wants me to stay with her and how she just wants to go to my school. It took everything in me not to break down and just start crying with her! I didn't cry though, I couldn't cry, I had to be strong. I had to show her and let her know that things were going to be okay.

The teacher part of me knows that things will be okay but the mother part of me was saying all kinds of things. Will she be okay? Am I doing the right thing sending her to preschool? Why am I taking her away from what she knows? Is this seriously worth it?

I continued to be strong for her telling how fun school would be and how wonderful Miss. K is. I finally got her to come down for breakfast. She ate her breakfast and watched her little show - our normal getting ready routine during the school year. Then it was time to get dressed and it started again, she BEGGED me to keep her home. She then asked if Brian and I could both take her to school. So we did! He followed us to school. I am so happy that I wasn't alone dropping her off. He got to witness the tears and the screaming. He would not be able to say I exaggerated the process! We walked in to school. I believe Brian carried little gal in the doors while I carried the school supplies (kinda blurry). I knew I had to make a quick break! I told Miss. K a few little things then Emma ran over to me and held on to me so tightly! She wasn't letting go. (It was like how I held on to her when she first entered this world. I held her in my arms and never wanted to let go.) She began to sob and began to wrap her body around mine. Miss. K had to pull her away from me. I had to push her away with all my might. It is truly amazing how strong a 4 year old is. I didn't even look back I just walked out the door with Brian following me. I held it together until I left the driveway and then my tears hit. I had held them in for what seemed so long that morning. My tears didn't last long but a million thoughts were going through my mind. This is where I hate having such a long drive to work. I had way too much time to think of whether or not I was making a good choice as a Mom! Looking back I wish I would have called my husband on the ride to work because I would have liked to know what he was thinking. I still haven't asked. We both just left and really didn't speak to each other at all. Basically got in our cars and drove away. Deep down I know we did the right thing. It's the thing I have told hundreds of parents throughout the years. They'll be okay. They always are!

Luckily I have a job that is on the go all day long and I don't have time to sit and think about things. No sooner did I get to work and got things rolling when Brian called and asked if I had called Miss. K. I had seriously lost track of time and hadn't. I called as soon as I hung up with him. She told me that Little Gal stopped crying not even a minute after we left and began talking with Miss. K about her weekend!

I am truly not certain that new adventures with our children ever get easier. It is hard watching them grow up so quickly right before our eyes. But it is truly amazing to watch their accomplishments! I am very proud of Emma! She had a great day today - her words not mine. She ended up getting her first day of school gift. She played with it all evening! We expressed to her throughout the evening how awesome she is and how very proud of her we are. She was beyond excited to show me her Great Day note from Miss. K. She truly did have a wonderful day today! I am sure we will have more drop off struggles for the next few weeks but things will be OKAY!

Give a teacher a chance...

I am not even sure what to name this particular blog tonight....who knows it may come to me after I have completed writing it! (it did)

Well, the big talk of the town around here is "Who's your teacher?" Understandably so seeing how school officially begins around these crazy parts on August 9th. Yes, those of you who are not familiar with this, it is craziness. Summer has basically just begun and we are already going back to school. Now, we have been out since May 26th so I guess it's fair that we are on our way back!

Now you may wonder why this question may irritate me so, and it's not really the question that bothers me - it is the parent's response to this question that bothers me. I made it a point not to live in the county I teach in. I have also made it a point to stay as far away from the mommy groups around here because of all the smack talk that goes on. I don't really have time for that nonsense. Anyhow, that's important to know because many of the people around here (at my local pool - which I go to EVERY single day) do not know me nor do they even know I am a teacher. I prefer it that way! So as they are talking about this subject right in front of me I grow more and more agitated.

As soon as the question rolls off their tongues the negativity pours out. From listening to the responses the reasons that they "hate" their assigned teachers are all from third party hear say. None of it is from personal experience. It is always "Well, so and so said this about Mr. Cape" Give me a break. Why do we do this? Why set the year up for failure before it even begins? Give the teacher a chance - have a positive attitude towards your child's teacher. Go in with an open mind. If you do this you and your child will have a much better year. Your child can tell whether or not you respect their teacher from the get go! Children pay attention to everything.

Get to know your child's teacher first before making any assumptions. Who knows just because the person down the street had some personality issues with a certain teacher doesn't mean that you won't have the best year of your child's academic career. Keep and open mind. Teachers are truly doing what they do to educate each and every child that walks through their door.

This was short and sweet but I just had to get it off my chest...

Happy Back to School!

My Love / Hate relationship with the Beach

Wow! It has been a very long time since I last blogged. I feel like I have been quite busy lately! I decided I was not going to blog while vacationing in Myrtle Beach - wouldn't have been able to anyhow because the damn internet was way too slow. The only time it worked was from 7 am - 7:30 am! I think NOT! That is way too early to try and come up with any blog writing!

Okay now that you know where I have been I am going to talk a little bit about my beach relationship. I definitely have a love / hate relationship with the beach. The more and more I think about it I am coming up with more hates but ultimately the loves outweigh the hates! At least I think they do. So these are not going to be in any order - I will talk about hates with my loves and they by no means are ranked. They will just be coming to my head as I write about them.

SAND - I absolutely HATE the sand. I think I hate the sand more now being a mother of a child with extremely sensitive skin than I did childless! It is awful! Stupid sand gets everywhere. It doesn't help that she sits right in it and basically bathes in it. Then has the nerve to complain to me how badly her skin itches! REALLY? I told you not to roll around in the sand! Plus I don't like the feel of sand so little gal comes running to me with sand all over her and wants me to hold her! GROSS! No thank you. Go wash off. I know I may sound very harsh but I really don't like sand. I don't want any part of it. I am so careful down at the beach not to get it on me at all. The only part of me I want touching that sand are my toes and feet...that's it! So sand is an absolute HATE!

OCEAN - I think the ocean scares me more than anything. I actually did get in the ocean this summer because it was extremely hot out! I am so afraid that some living creature is going to bite me, sting me or, eat me! Without fail my brother gets stung by a jellyfish EVERY year. I am not kidding. EVERY single year. It's kinda funny to me but I know if I laugh too hard my time will come. Little Gal actually enjoys the ocean water and I love watching her out there in the ocean with anyone other than me! This year we smartened up and she wore her goggles out there! What a sight! She was even brave enough to try boogie boarding. Which was hilarious to watch and she was so darn proud of herself! I guess the ocean water would be a LOVE / HATE for me because I do hate getting in the water but I love watching Little Gal out there especially when she's with her Daddy! Priceless watching those HUGE waves take them out!

BIKINIS - Okay, now this may be a touchy subject. But I really HATE seeing HUGE 300 pound plus women walking around or sitting around in little teeny weeny bikinis. They make very cute and very nice one piece and tankkinis these days so I am not sure why people don't take more advantage of these suits to try and flatter their bodies. It almost seemed like the smaller women were trying to cover more than the much larger women. I just don't get it. Enough said on this subject - like I said it's a touchy one.

RELAXATION - I would have to say that our beach vacation is one of the most relaxing vacations that we as a family take. It by far beats Disney World by a landslide...even more relaxing that cruising (in my opinion). We wake up and sit around at the pool or beach all day long. We may or may not go out to dinner. If we stay in it's pizza or an easy cook at home meal. We stay in swim suits all day long. I don't believe in going shopping while at the beach because I can shop anytime. I have all those stores right here why waste my time shopping (and I LOVE to shop)! We spend time together enjoying each other's company. We eat and drink all day long and have no worries. We have no schedule. We play it by ear. I even let Little Gal stay up way past bedtime! Why not? It's vacation! So ultimately, I do think the beach is my favorite family vacation because we are rather carefree throughout the week and there's no schedule. Being such a scheduled person I think that not having a schedule for a week is fabulous for me and the rest of my crew!

My little home-body!

Well, my little angle face finally turned 4 yesterday. It was not really how I imagined spending the day with her but it turned out to be a truly perfect day.

As she came down the stairs she was greeted with a big birthday sign and streamers. Brian and I had a very small package for her to open. My sweet sweet girl was so excited to open her gift. The best part was that she was super excited over her new underware! I am not joking. I asked her if she seriously thought this was her gift from her Dad and I! She got this HUGE smile on her face and said with a big grin "no!" We preceeded to take her outside to see her real gift. A trampoline! She was beyond excited - however, didn't want to jump right away because she had just woke up and needed to pee! But after we got that pee out that's where she wanted to spend her time.

Then she got to pick the breakfast of her choice. That breakfast ended up being several things: scrambled eggs, bacon, blueberry pancakes (with fresh blueberries), and OJ! Seems like a ton of food but she ate it and loved every bite!

The sun was shining so she decided she would like to go to the water park that we had her party at. Well, the sun didn't last long and the rain started to trickle down. I felt terrible. The one thing she wanted to do for her real birthday - we couldn't.

But, you see, I think we run around and do so many wonderful things together as a family that sometimes my dear Emma would just prefer to stay home. And that is just what we did! My daughter is truly a home-body, and I tend to forget that sometimes just staying home would be more meaningful to Emma than any big adventure. I am not sure why I think we always have to be out doing family adventures but that tends to be the way I lean! So Emma is truly a home-body and Brian and I (more me) tend to forget that she seriously can have more fun playing here at the house just spending time with us than anything in the world!

Okay - got a little side-tracked. So we stayed at home. She wanted to watch a little tv. I can't really say no because it is her day. Then she was ready to bounce and nothing - not even the rain- was going to stop her. We headed outside and bounced and bounced. We were soaking wet, but that didn't matter. We were laughing and having the best time together. We would come in and dry off play with her new play-doh for a little bit and then head back out. The rain did not stop us from enjoying a fun day together. Together - that is what is most important. It doesn't really matter what we are doing as long as we are doing it together and having a great time!

After nap, we did convince her to go out for dinner. She had been asking for crab legs all week! We went and got her her crab legs! She rushed through her dinner, didn't want dessert, just wanted to get back home to bounce some more! So you better believe it - even though it was rather late we enjoyed some more trampoline time "together!"

Twas the Night before Emma when all through the house...

Here's a picture of what I looked like 4 years ago today! I was such a lucky prego gal! I had absolutely NO sickness and I was very active all through my pregnancy (even if it doesn't look like it here!) I gained a whopping 20 pounds and didn't gain the last couple of pounds until my final week. Lucky for me I didn't crave sweets at all....I wanted watermelon! It was rather difficult finding watermelon in January!

Here was a little note I wrote upon returning home after giving birth.

I was not expecting you for another week or two…you came to us eight days early. It was 12:30 am Wednesday morning, Daddy and I had just gone to bed not an hour earlier. I got up to make a usual bathroom break…to my surprise my water had broke while I was using the bathroom. I called into your Daddy letting him know what had happened. So many thoughts went through my head. I was rather unprepared for this day! I had nothing packed and was so frightened of the whole labor and delivery process. We called the doctor he told us not to come to the hospital until contractions were stronger and closer together. If the contractions did not become closer together by 7:00 am he wanted us to come to the hospital. I thought ok, I will pack just in case because at that time I was not feeling any pain! After we got everything together for the hospital the contractions started coming on stronger and closer together. We started at 18 minutes apart, then 9, 5, 4, and 3 in a matter of two hours. It was now time to head to the hospital. Daddy said that if I wanted a shower I better get it! I went ahead and did that then we were off to Martha Jefferson Hospital. We arrived at the hospital around 4:00 am. We went straight to the delivery ward and got settled in our room. Contractions were coming very rapidly and they were beginning to become more and more painful. I came into the hospital dilated 2 centimeters. By the time we got to 4 centimeters the pain was too much for me to handle any longer. It really was the worse pain I had ever felt….unlike any other in my life! I was in back labor…very excruciating. So around 9:00 I received my epidural. The epidural itself was not very fun…but I enjoyed how it got rid of the pain of each contraction. After the epidural I had a smile on my face and felt ready to face what lied ahead. My contractions slowed down due to the epidural so I had to be put on petocin. The petocin made my blood pressure go down and your heart race faster so we had to go off of that. Finally at around 2:45, the time had arrived to begin pushing. I pushed and pushed…I didn’t think you were every going to come out! After about an hour and twenty minutes you were born into this world at 4:04 PM. I just held on tight to you and began crying. You were absolutely PERFECT! They allowed you to lay on top of me for quite sometime before they took you off to weigh you and take your measurements and do all those newborn tests!!! Your Daddy and I just stared at you once they brought you back to us!

I seriously can't believe my little angel face is going to be four tomorrow. It is amazing how quickly time does fly once having children. I never in a million years thought I could instantly love another human being the way I love this little girl! I am truly blessed!

Do you want more children?

I am beginning to get more and more irritated by people when they ask me, "So are you having any more children?"

Does it really matter whether or not I am having more children? How will this directly effect anyone else's life? If I have more children what's in it for you? Am I weird for only having one child? Why does anyone seriously care whether or not I have more children?

I truly don't understand why this is such an important question that people feel inclined to ask. It is almost like we are looked down upon for only possibly wanting one child. Does it make us bad people for only having one child. Not all children without siblings turn out bad!

I truly can't tell you if we are going to have more children. All I can say is that for right now things feel right. It may be selfish on Brian and my part but it is what it is. We are happy. We have a fun life. We do tons of family adventures together.

Snoring, Dog, Night Terrors, & Bad Dreams

Snoring, Dog, Night Terrors, & Bad Dreams...what do all of these things have in common? Well, all of these lovely things are what keep me from sleeping peacefully from night to night. I usually don't have to deal with all four things in one night, but it has happened.

Let's start with with the snoring! I pretty much hate going to bed at the same time or after my husband! If we go up at the same time the LOUD snoring starts not even five minutes after the lights go out. Seriously? I would love to fall asleep that quickly. I try so hard to make the snoring stop. I slap, kick, push, yell, and just toss and turn very obnoxiously. It used to be much easier when we had a queen size bed. Now, with the king size it's not quite as easy to reach! Once there is contact the snoring will stop for about two minutes and then we are back at it. Not only am I dealing with guy snoring - I am also dealing with dog snoring. Not sure which is worse. I have stupid snoring on both side of me. In order to get the damn dog to stop I have to pretend cough. Very odd I know. But it scares the hell out of him so then he wakes and walks over to another place. His snoring will stop for about ten minutes before I have to pull out the stupid fake cough again. All this snoring goes on for about an hour then I can hopefully drift off....

But wait we have a HUGE dog sleeping in our room. Thank GOD not in our bed with us but in our room. You would seriously have to know our dog to understand all of his quirks. He's a rather annoying dog. He's got some allergy issues which leads to compulsive licking. He licks himself and the floor which drives me absolutely mad. To get him to stop the stupid licking you have to yell at him. So in between the fake coughing and all of the abuse on my husband, I am yelling at the dog to "STOP LICKING!" Now, if that is not enough he's a freak'n pacer. Talk about dog OCD! If he can't get himself comfy he paces back and forth from Brian's side of the bed to mine, then in to the bathroom. This sometimes goes on all night long.

Moving along to night terrors. Now, I do not wish this upon anyone. It is one of the most awful things to watch your child go through - especially the first time it happens and you have no idea what is going on. The best way I can explain night terrors is that it is almost like your child's brain is caught between two places. It wants to be awake but can't wake up. I will never forget the first time Emma had a night terror. We were out of town, at my sisters house. Brian and I went up to bed we had laid down for not even ten minutes and we were startled by Emma screaming hysterically sitting straight up in her bed as stiff as a board. Her eyes were wide open but very glassy. She just screamed and screamed. Nothing we were doing was snapping her out of it. It went on for what seemed like an eternity. Then suddenly as quickly as it had begun it stopped and she laid back down and was out like a light. We didn't have any more that night, we never have more than one a night. These went on for months. We did find that if we stayed in unfamiliar places or if she stayed up later than usual (usual being 7:30) that would also trigger them. I think our last night terror was this past May. They have lasted for as short as ten minutes and as long as forty-five minutes. It is seriously as if something has taken over her little body! Yes, thinking Poltergeist here people! I have watched one too many horror movies! i have read that night terrors are more common in girls than boys and only occur in about 3% of children. Lucky us I guess.

Lastly, bad dreams! No, not mine. I am talking Emma again! Lately, if Emma goes to bed too late or if she's getting sick she has some crazy dreams. Most of the time I don't have to go in to her room, but she's talking and yelling at people in her dream so loudly that it wakes me. I have been startled by her yelling before that I have run in to her room. Her eyes are closed and she's sleeping but dreaming LOUDLY away. Eyes are closed here unlike night terrors. I laugh a lot at her dreams because a lot of times she's got quite the attitude and really giving it to people. However, there are times she's crying and it breaks my heart. I do wake her if I think the dream is getting out of control. She wakes up drinks some water and falls right back asleep. So then I am able to fall asleep for a little while until the next episode!

So this is a night in the life of Stephanie trying to catch some zzzzz's! One of these nights I will sleep peacefully - one of these nights!

Funny, as I type the little one who went to bed at 6:30 is up there sleeping and talking out in her sleep! It's going to be a long one!

Independence Day!

Every Friday we head to our historical downtown to an event that Emma longs for each week. She calls it "The Dancing Tent!" That my friends is basically what it is. It is a huge tent and bands come each Friday to perform for FREE! Yes, folks for FREE! They definitely make money there though because beer is $5. That is the only downfall of the weekly event! It is really so much fun and the children are so fun to watch. Not only are the children fun to watch but you see all sorts of folks downtown.

There are 2 older couples, cute as can be, that get down and boogie EVERY single week. They seriously bust a move. They move better than I could ever imagine at their age. It is so hysterical to watch. Brian and I are pretty sure they smoked a good bit of weed in their day! Who knows, they may still smoke a good bit of weed!

Then there are the hula hoopers! Which my daughter is becoming a part of. Man I never in my life seen gals rock out a hula hoop they way they do! They are somehow able to get that hoop going crazy off of every single part of their bodies! This has been Emma's favorite part of her dancing tent experience this year. Some kind woman brings a ton of hula hoops and lays them out for the little kids, big kids, and old kids! Emma runs over there and grabs her hula hoop and hangs on to it for dear life for her time down there. She has not yet conquered the waist hooping but definitely has the neck thing DOWN!

Moving along, after we do the whole dancing tent thing we end our evening getting ice cream and we sit outside so we can watch all walks of life passing by us. We also usually enjoy the "Fiddling Brothers!" To our disappointment they were not there tonight. Instead we got to listen to this funny kid singing while play his little guitar. By the way, this is very common downtown for people to be out singing, playing instruments, juggling, you name it you basically will see it downtown! Anyhow, what made this kid funny was the fact that he sang about the passer byes. He making fun of them! I just hoped and prayed that when I walked by he didn't sing about me! Thank goodness he didn't! Whew!

We see it all downtown. It is a VERY liberal community! I sometimes wonder how I got to be here exactly.... I am very glad I am here and part of this community though!

So many walks of life and coming from a very small community I am so fortunate that my daughter is growing up seeing that not everyone lives the way we do, not everyone dresses like we do, nor do they have the same beliefs.

I write this in honor of our nations independence! Happy Fourth of July!

Jealous Much?

Upon reading this blog you may get offended. I seriously have no intentions of doing so, and I do apologize in advance if I do so! With that said, let me begin...

I had the most horrible time falling asleep last night. It hit me, it was going to be July 1st when I awoke in the morning. It truly made me incredibly SAD. I love summer time so much because I feel like a stay at home mother again. It makes me sick to think I have to head back to work come the last week of July. Yes, my wonderful school system thinks it's okay to get out at the end of May and return the last week of July. Last time I checked summer was July and August. Whatever happened to starting school after Labor Day?

As I was lying there in bed I came increasingly more and more jealous of stay at home mothers. Which made me start to really detest them. I began thinking...How do they afford it? Why can't I afford it? How much does a husband have to make in this community for their wives to stay home? I kept getting more and more angry. I just don't understand, how in the world do families around here make it? I see folks driving very expensive mini vans, wearing the fanciest of clothes, eating out all the time, going on several vacations a year, having gym memberships, hiring babysitters to go out and about...I am sure you get my point. I could seriously go on and on and on with more examples but I won't.

I guess what these feelings truly boil down to is the loss of my summer upon me. This anticipation is bringing out a bad side in me. I don't hate stay at home mothers. I envy them. I want to be them.

Now you may be asking yourself, "is her life that bad?" No! It is not. Not at all! I have a good life. I have a great husband who works his ass off providing for us. I have a daughter who is not only beautiful on the outside but most importantly on the inside. We go on tons of family adventures together making wonderful family memories.

I will leave you today with a little story from this morning and quote from my daughter: We were sitting at the pool. I told Emma that I have already started to miss her just thinking about having to go back to work. She comes over to me and sits down next to me and says, "You don't have to miss me Mommy. I am always in your heart!" as she said that she pointed to my heart and just smiled the BIGGEST smile ever.

Which just goes to show just how very lucky I am to have my life!

Grocery Shopping

Since I had some comments on how in the world I spend on average $100 (and now eating mostly organic) at the grocery per week I thought I would hit on that tonight! And I DO NOT use coupons! I don't have the patience or time to deal with coupons. If I only would commit to coupons I would probably even save a ton more! Oh well, one thing at a time here.

First thing is first...I simply make a list of my meals for the week. Now we do eat out usually twice per week so I don't buy anything for those two eat out days. So I buy five meals a week. As I write down a meal I write down all the ingredients that I will need for that meal. Once all of that is finished for the week my husband or I will go through the ingredients on the list and look in our cupboards and fridge to see what we may already have. If we have it it gets scratched off of the list. This process takes many a little time but it's well worth it. On that list I also add milk, fruit, and cereal for the week along with whatever else we happened to run out of.

Okay, now it's time to shop. I am going to give props out to Giant again because they have a little scanner that you take along with you and it keeps track of your spending (also saves time at check out). I stick to my list for the most part, depending on what my end total is looking like. I buy fruits that are on sale and in season. Once all the major items have been purchased I see what my total is. If it is looking good I go back and buy what we here at the house call our "treats!" Those treat items consists of ice cream, fruit snacks, granola bars, or cookies. Anything fun and yummy! We love our desert!

I do NOT buy any of those prepacked snacks. I buy the big bags of things, then package them up myself! The small prepackaged packets costs you more. I know it is much easier but if you are trying to save those will cost you! I do not venture off the list! I stick to the list and then once all that is done - then have fun...within your personal budget.


Happy Shopping

Separation Anxiety

This morning Emma came in our room as usual to say good morning to us. She asks me, "What are we going to do today Mommy?" I said, "You are going to go to preschool summer fun day today, remember?"

The tears and screaming started. She was out of control. Screaming over and over, "I want a Mommy day. I want to stay home with you. I don't want to go." She was also telling us that she was only 3 and not 4 yet so she wasn't old enough to go to school. This screaming went on for about 15 minutes. Brian and I tried hugging and comforting her reassuring things were going to be okay!

The smart cookie that she is, she said, "I have a fever and I am sick there is no way I can go to school today. I think I need to stay home with you." Brian and I looked at each other. I said to her, "Well, that's fine. If you are sick you will have to stay in bed all day long. You won't be able to play you will just have to stay upstairs in bed. No tv. No nothing!" She turned over and began to do her pretend sleep thing. The crying stopped and it was over just as fast as it began.

She lay there in silence oh for a good 30 seconds and then asked, "Will we get to go outside today? What will we do today?" I asked, "Are you asking what you will do at summer fun day with Miss. Kathy?" She said, "Yes!" I began to list things to her I thought she may do today while holding her very tightly. Emma seemed to begin to feel a little better about her big day in her new environment. She even initiated getting her book bag ready with things that she loves to take along with her. These things included her "eck" which is what she calls her blanket, and her blue bear which her very best friend Sarah Beth gave her. She also asked to take a picture with her of her and I.

This will be hard for her and I both. On me because, when I am on summer vacation I want to spend every second with her because of the guilt I feel leaving her throughout the school year. Difficult on her because this is a new place for her. She will have to make new friends and learn a new schedule.

I am sure the crying on her part is not over and getting out the door this morning will be difficult. But I know my girl is strong and I know she is going to have a super time today. All I can do do do for her right now is hug her and squeeze her and reassure her she'll be fine and make lots of new friends.

More to come on this story this afternoon....

Emma seemed to be so excited about going to Miss. Kathy's. She was eager to get dressed and get her teeth brushed. Then she bolted downstairs to get her book bag that she so carefully packed up, she wanted to put it on like the big kids. She was prancing around the house wearing her book bag and she even ASKED me to take a picture of her with her book bag so she could share it with our family. All was going so well. She kept asking when would it be time to leave.

Leaving time came! It was 9:00 am - time to head out the door. She did so wonderfully - picking out the perfect shoes to wear and packing her "sketchers" so she could play outside. WHEW - I thought it was going to be a fight to get her out the door.

We are driving along in the car - it is seriously like a 7 minute drive if that....she kept asking if we were there yet. No sweet love we are not there yet. Almost! I kept replying to her eagerness!

Then we came to Kathy's driveway...I turned in...and it started. Oh my poor baby started WHALING "I don't want to go, don't leave me, I want to stay with you!" My heart sank deep! I was holding back the tears so I could be strong for her telling her she was going to have the very best day ever. I got her out of the car, she's still screaming and crying uncontrollably, she grabs on to me for dear life! She is squeezing me tighter than ever. I walked her to the front door (a walk that felt like FOREVER), to greet Miss. Kathy. She is still holding tight. I did what I have told tons and tons of parents when dropping their children off at the door for their first day of kindergarten...I left. I gave one last kiss, one last hug, and said my good-byes. I tore her from my body and handed her to Miss. Kathy. Miss. Kathy held her tight and gave her love!

I walked out the door to my car holding back the tears....memories of dropping her off at her Miss. Nicole's two years ago when I had to go back to work came gushing back my way. I started my car and drove down the driveway and then they hit...my tears came pouring down my cheeks. I just left my baby girl in a very unfamiliar place... I kept telling myself it would be okay (and I knew it would) but that is my baby girl I just left! I knew once I left her tears would be gone. I knew she would start making new friends almost instantly. I knew she was going to be okay!

My tears slowly did stop and I did get myself together and went about with the one and only errand I had for the day! I am not going to sit here and tell you that I didn't call Miss. Kathy, that would be a LIE. I most certainly did call Kathy to make sure things did go well and that her tears stopped. Miss. Kathy reassured me (just like Miss. Nicole reassured me 2 years ago) Emma's tears had stopped and she was fitting in.

I can't wait to hear about my baby girl's first day at her new preschool and all the fun that she had. The really sucky part of all of this is that we are going to have to have this first day all over again come August when she starts preschool for good and will be going 5 days a week. Hopefully this day will make it easier for both of us come August.

Oraganic Shopping

Not long ago I watched the documentary "Food INC." ( I am sure many of you out there have seen it. It is a true eye opener in how our food is processes. This movie totally scared me and we have since then gone as organic as we can.

I thought in order to go organic the easiest way to do so was to shop at "Whole Foods." Now, don't get me wrong I love Whole Foods, but I just can't afford $200 grocery bills per week. That is absolute craziness. But that's what I did for 3 weeks straight....until Brian was like this is nuts, we CAN'T afford this and went on to tell me that I needed to come up with a cheaper way to go organic. You also have to know that typically, before going organic, our grocery bill per week was between $60 and $80 (and that's was without coupons....I HATE coupons)!

I figured I would go back to my old grocery store Giant and see what they had to offer. So that's just what Emma and I did this morning. We packed up our reusable bags and headed out the door.

To my surprise Giant carried almost everything that I needed on my list in an organic brand. I was so excited. I also noticed how much cheaper their prices are for the organic products versus Whole Foods. (PS my debit card also noticed at check out....will get to that later) They have an organic brand there called "Nature's Promise." They also carry many of the same organic snacks that Emma eats for about the same price if not a bit cheaper.

Now on the down side because there's always a down side! They did not carry any organic fruits. I was so upset about that. They do carry some organic vegetables such as celery, lettuces, and spinach, but that was about it.

So much for one stop shopping. It looks like I will have to go to a local market to get my fruits and veggies! It is really hard to be healthy. I totally see why so many Americans don't want to make the switch to organic. It costs more and it is more difficult to shop! In today's fast pace we prefer one stop shopping such as your local Walmart! I do have to give props to my local Giant though, they are trying to carry more organic products and I hope more and more people buy them so they get an even wider selection!

I came out of the store today spending $120 and got a $10 gift card back because for every $200 you spend you get a $10 gift card!

Shanna's ALIVE!

It is very important to me that we eat dinner as a family! We eat together every night at the dinner table NOT in front of the television. Now, don't get me wrong we go out to eat - one of our very favorite things to do, but we sit down together and eat dinner TOGETHER!

Looking back, this is how I was brought up as a child. We had a set time for dinner and that's just the way it was. We were all gathered around the table together.

Now, I didn't say it's a peaceful quiet dinner. By no means is that the case. My daughter is one of the s l o w e s t eaters ever. She gets side-tracked so easily and she talks non-stop. It absolutely drives me insane. Brian and I are finished eating after about 15 minutes, but NO, not our Emma she's just chatting away and has barely touched her food. I seriously just want to scream "SHUT UP and EAT for crying out loud!" It's not that she's a picky eater. That is NOT the case at all...she's just slow and talks. She usually ends up eating everything on her plate. Thank goodness for that I guess.

Well, tonight was one of those nights, she was completely doing her thing. Tonight she just had to have her baby "Shanna" at the table with us. I opposed to it because seriously did we NEED another distraction? Well, my husband caved (as he usually does)and allowed her to go and get the damn doll!

She began feeding the doll her food beer can chicken and mashed potatoes! All of a sudden she came running over to her Daddy SCREAMING "There's food stuck in Shanna's mouth, GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!" Brian's says to her "it's okay, she'll just chew it up it's no big deal." Well, my friends it was a big deal it was a VERY BIG deal! Emma frantically says to Brian, "Babies don't have teeth. She can't chew it up! Get the food out now!"

You may wonder what in the world am I doing at this point...well, that's quite simple LAUGHING hysterically. I couldn't stop either. Emma is screaming...she seriously thinks this doll is REAL and is going to die if her Daddy doesn't get the food out and quick. I was laughing so hard at my daughter's reaction to this food stuck in this doll's mouth that I was seriously crying.

WHEW - Daddy to the rescue. The food came out of Shanna's mouth. Emma took Shanna back over to her chair and tells us "Well, that's enough food for Shanna, I am going to nurse her" and that's just what she did! Emma began to "nurse" her baby! Yes, I said it she was "nursing" her baby!

Shanna's ALIVE and all is well!

Birthday Party!

Every day this week we woke up to Emma coming in to our room asking "is my party today?" "No, Emma it's not!" Then we would count the days...okay she got it - at least that's what we thought until the next morning - then we'd do it all over again.
Okay, so today is the BIG day. She comes running in to our room this morning, "My party is today right?" We finally gave her the answer she had been waiting to hear ALL week long, "Yes! Your party is today - woo-hoo!" We totally built it up for her. She crawls in to bed with us, "Well, aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?" Seriously - her words not mine. This is funny to us because you see her birthday isn't until July 12th! I started cracking up, "Well, Emma I would wish you a happy birthday but it's NOT your birthday. Remember your birthday is July 12th, I will wish you happy birthday's all day long on your birthday." Her response, "So today is my pretend birthday?" I just went with it! What else could I do - I think this was the only way she was going to get it!
Let's back up a couple of days now to Thursday night...you see her birthday party is at at water park! Perfect, right? Well, you would think...I mean all I would seriously have to worry about is rain and thunder storms right? NOOOOOOOOOOO - oh we get a major storm - microburst people! Power is out EVERYWHERE - we were without power for 18 hours. This storm shuts down the city! Nothing can operate b/c DUH there's no power....including pools! The pool is NOT open and the news is saying it will not be open for a few days! Okay this is the screaming part! I don't watch the news - we never do anymore but we happened to see our water park flash on the news so we were like WTF - we have to watch it. What are we going to do? This is the party my baby girls has been waiting for ALL WEEK LONG! Seriously is this happening. Meanwhile I tried to get in touch with the pool all day long on Friday...but guess what? No phones either. YES, SCREAM! I am a planner people and this is NOT in my plan. Brian and I sit watching the news - and finally here's our story. They say "ALL city pools will be closed" What? Really? Did they really just say that? Oh but wait you know how the news works - "This just in Emma's water park is the ONLY pool in the city OPEN!" OMG - YES! HUG!
Fast forward - Saturday morning. We are all happy and getting all the party stuff ready. It's going to be a great day. Get to the water park early so we can decorate our tables. I am greeted by the head life guard lady.....with this "We don't have a cake for you" I didn't even know what to say. "What no cake? How am I going to have a birthday party without a cake? Why don't I have a cake?" In my head I am thinking, this is what I get for not having total control. I let go a little and this is what happens. That stupid life guard kept talking and I seriously heard NOTHING she said. I was PISSED. Stupid storm. You see that's why I didn't have a cake, Ben and Jerry's still didn't have power so they couldn't make a cake. I couldn't even tell that lady what I wanted to b/c Emma was at my side and oh she heard there was no cake. Oh the look on her little face. I wanted to rip that whistle off life guard lady's neck and smack her with it. Why is she telling me this 30 minutes before my party. What we don't have phones these days? So I start snapping out on Brian (who knows why - it's just what I do) - Luckily there is a grocery store 5 minutes away from pool - Brian leaves and comes back with an ice cream cake. I remember him saying as he left (while I was huffing and puffing and getting ready to blow whatever down) "Why are you letting something so stupid ruin this party?" He was completely right? Why? It all worked out. It wasn't that big of a deal.
All of Emma's little friends came out to help her celebrate turning 4. It was an amazing day. I am so lucky to have a wonderful friend who just happens to be one of the VERY best photographers ever - capture EVERY detail of the party. The smile on Emma's face was awesome. Not once did I look at her and she wasn't smiling...and that brings us to the HUGS!

Me!

Let me tell you a little bit about ME and the folks you will be reading about in my posts! I am an elementary teacher (that is a blog itself...probably will write more about that once school starts back up again - my job even goes along with my blog title "trapped between a scream and a hug"). I have been teaching on and off for 10 years. I took a couple of years off to stay at home with my baby girl, Emma....who I'll get to in a minute. Wish I would have known more about blogging then - Anyhow, going on. I have been married to my husband Brian - who I met in college - for almost 8 years (8 year anniversary in August...close enough!) - again "trapped between a scream and hug" Geesh, the title really does say it all. We had our beautiful, loving, and stubborn baby girl Emma in 2006. She is my everything. I never imagined loving someone SO much. We live in a small lake community in VA. I love it here. We are originally from PA...way too cold up there for me. So we live about 6-7 hours away from our family which can be very difficult at times - we have no support here...it's just us. It makes it hard to have a life outside of parenthood. I also feel very bad for Emma b/c she is so far away fro her immediate family. I guess it makes seeing them that much more special though. But, on the opposite side - I love being away - yeah, I know weird...but it's true. I feel VERY accomplished knowing my husband and I have basically done it on our own! I don't have anyone telling me I should be doing things a different way - well besides Brian but oh well. Does he count?? Many days, especially when I am working full time I just want to scream as loud as I can - but then I look in to those gorgeous blue eyes and I melt - and it truly puts things in perspective for me. I do yell, but I hope that I hug more :) So this is me in a nutshell. I love my little family and we are by no means a perfect family - we are just US!