Separation Anxiety

This morning Emma came in our room as usual to say good morning to us. She asks me, "What are we going to do today Mommy?" I said, "You are going to go to preschool summer fun day today, remember?"

The tears and screaming started. She was out of control. Screaming over and over, "I want a Mommy day. I want to stay home with you. I don't want to go." She was also telling us that she was only 3 and not 4 yet so she wasn't old enough to go to school. This screaming went on for about 15 minutes. Brian and I tried hugging and comforting her reassuring things were going to be okay!

The smart cookie that she is, she said, "I have a fever and I am sick there is no way I can go to school today. I think I need to stay home with you." Brian and I looked at each other. I said to her, "Well, that's fine. If you are sick you will have to stay in bed all day long. You won't be able to play you will just have to stay upstairs in bed. No tv. No nothing!" She turned over and began to do her pretend sleep thing. The crying stopped and it was over just as fast as it began.

She lay there in silence oh for a good 30 seconds and then asked, "Will we get to go outside today? What will we do today?" I asked, "Are you asking what you will do at summer fun day with Miss. Kathy?" She said, "Yes!" I began to list things to her I thought she may do today while holding her very tightly. Emma seemed to begin to feel a little better about her big day in her new environment. She even initiated getting her book bag ready with things that she loves to take along with her. These things included her "eck" which is what she calls her blanket, and her blue bear which her very best friend Sarah Beth gave her. She also asked to take a picture with her of her and I.

This will be hard for her and I both. On me because, when I am on summer vacation I want to spend every second with her because of the guilt I feel leaving her throughout the school year. Difficult on her because this is a new place for her. She will have to make new friends and learn a new schedule.

I am sure the crying on her part is not over and getting out the door this morning will be difficult. But I know my girl is strong and I know she is going to have a super time today. All I can do do do for her right now is hug her and squeeze her and reassure her she'll be fine and make lots of new friends.

More to come on this story this afternoon....

Emma seemed to be so excited about going to Miss. Kathy's. She was eager to get dressed and get her teeth brushed. Then she bolted downstairs to get her book bag that she so carefully packed up, she wanted to put it on like the big kids. She was prancing around the house wearing her book bag and she even ASKED me to take a picture of her with her book bag so she could share it with our family. All was going so well. She kept asking when would it be time to leave.

Leaving time came! It was 9:00 am - time to head out the door. She did so wonderfully - picking out the perfect shoes to wear and packing her "sketchers" so she could play outside. WHEW - I thought it was going to be a fight to get her out the door.

We are driving along in the car - it is seriously like a 7 minute drive if that....she kept asking if we were there yet. No sweet love we are not there yet. Almost! I kept replying to her eagerness!

Then we came to Kathy's driveway...I turned in...and it started. Oh my poor baby started WHALING "I don't want to go, don't leave me, I want to stay with you!" My heart sank deep! I was holding back the tears so I could be strong for her telling her she was going to have the very best day ever. I got her out of the car, she's still screaming and crying uncontrollably, she grabs on to me for dear life! She is squeezing me tighter than ever. I walked her to the front door (a walk that felt like FOREVER), to greet Miss. Kathy. She is still holding tight. I did what I have told tons and tons of parents when dropping their children off at the door for their first day of kindergarten...I left. I gave one last kiss, one last hug, and said my good-byes. I tore her from my body and handed her to Miss. Kathy. Miss. Kathy held her tight and gave her love!

I walked out the door to my car holding back the tears....memories of dropping her off at her Miss. Nicole's two years ago when I had to go back to work came gushing back my way. I started my car and drove down the driveway and then they hit...my tears came pouring down my cheeks. I just left my baby girl in a very unfamiliar place... I kept telling myself it would be okay (and I knew it would) but that is my baby girl I just left! I knew once I left her tears would be gone. I knew she would start making new friends almost instantly. I knew she was going to be okay!

My tears slowly did stop and I did get myself together and went about with the one and only errand I had for the day! I am not going to sit here and tell you that I didn't call Miss. Kathy, that would be a LIE. I most certainly did call Kathy to make sure things did go well and that her tears stopped. Miss. Kathy reassured me (just like Miss. Nicole reassured me 2 years ago) Emma's tears had stopped and she was fitting in.

I can't wait to hear about my baby girl's first day at her new preschool and all the fun that she had. The really sucky part of all of this is that we are going to have to have this first day all over again come August when she starts preschool for good and will be going 5 days a week. Hopefully this day will make it easier for both of us come August.